Motherhood, career and post-partum depression are indeed a combustible and fiery mix. Many women struggle with depression and women are twice more likely to suffer from the condition than men. Depression is defined as an unending sadness. In 2016, 16.2 million people experienced depression according to the National Institute of Mental Health. That’s 6.7% of the American population. The average age for the onset of depression is between twenty and thirty.
Motherhood is a complex part of a woman’s life and any battle with health can make it an even more complicated and tenuous process to navigate. The state or experience of raising a child, which is how the dictionary defines motherhood, is not a fixed experience. No two children are the same even if they are raised in the same family. Being a parent is one of the hardest and most difficult roles that a person can play in the life of another person, and finally, if a woman is employed or works outside of the home that adds additional layers of stress. All of this adds up to a lot of busyness, which many people hold up as a badge of honor. To be busy is good, while not is considered bad. I disagree there needs to be a balance.
As an author of five books, a mother of two young boys, and a wife of twenty-two years, life can be chaotic and harried. Some days our schedule works and it seems as if we are running on all cylinders and other days it seems as if a big Mack truck has crashed into us and emergency responders are on the scene. Life is like that and so is motherhood. You can feel like you have everything together and under control. Understanding your child and/or children can become clouded by the veil of depression which then throws your confidence out the window. Moreover, depression can impede your ability to work and complete simple tasks.
As a writer, my schedule is my own. I’m solely responsible for ensuring that I sit down and write; although balancing family and depression can make that process all the more complicated. Writers focus on words, plotlines, and ideas to bring stories and articles to life. Depression takes your thoughts, the way you think about yourself and your frustrations and twists them around each other to create chaos and confusion. Imagine being trapped with the negativity of your own words day in and day out and struggling to manage your children along with your marriage.
Can you say overwhelmed; that’s the insidious nature of depression! It attacks your mind and throws everything out of focus. You begin to second guess your decisions and your ability to make those decisions that impact how you manage your child or children, how you navigate the world and live a satisfying life. Simple things such as updating my blog, a revision to a chapter for my novel or even picking up my kids from school on time can become taxing and overwhelming. From my personal experience, I remember that it’s okay to stop and embrace what I’m feeling, breathe and collect my thoughts. I focus on my feelings. Take a moment and concentrate on why you’re frustrated, angry or sad and ask yourself, “Will this matter in a year? Five years? If the answer is no, take a deep breath and try and let it go. If the feeling remains take a break. We owe it to ourselves to have a moment of inner reflection. The world will not crash and burn. I promise.
One of the best lessons that I learned from talk therapy is the importance of relaxation. When I found a therapist to help with my depression one of the first things that were suggested was that I take twenty minutes each day for myself. I laughed at my therapist. I thought it’s obvious this person hadn’t listened to me about how busy I was and that I had no time for anything, let alone myself. I was convinced that I was too busy to take a measly, few minutes for myself. Isn’t that how life is now? Everyone is so busy that we can’t take a few minutes for a shared meal, a cup of coffee or even just to play with our kids.
Everyone is over-scheduled and sleep deficient. We have meals that can be superheated in a matter of minutes, yet they are not the most nutritious options for us and don't even allow us to spend time with others. We have cellular phones and emails that keep us connected and tethered to our jobs. We have created industries that have made our lives easier, yet they pollute our environment. Even our thoughts are clouded. Is it any wonder that people are stressed and depressed? There is no connection to one another, ourselves or even nature. And depression feeds off of that. Therein lies the problem to overcome depression we must seek connection and reach out to others and ourselves.
We must cut the cord or at least reduce it on meaningless and unnecessary communication like social media, emails, and ads always vying for our attention. We have to learn how to sit down again and enjoy our meals, by actually tasting them, not just by gobbling them down. Moreover, more importantly, we need to learn how to listen to one another and see each other when we reach out.
Being a mother, wife and writer are all admirable roles, however, they can be quite demanding at times. We have to learn how to reconnect with our inner selves and each other. Busyness isn’t a badge of honor that we should aspire to. We should desire to be interconnected and present in each moment that is given to us. Breath, ask yourself “Does this matter and if so, how I can help myself to be better.” We are blessed with each moment, each breath and each life that we encounter. You were not given this life to be miserable and sad. You are here for a purpose. As writers, it is our job to tell the stories that need to be told and, as mother’s we are raising the next generation of decent human beings. Let’s remember that and move forward positively and boldly in love to conquer the day. Depression is not the victor, you are. Now, let’s finish that article, blog or novel. The world needs your voice. There isn’t another like it. Don’t let depression rob your family and the world of the gift of you.
You can learn more about Kimberly Batchelor Davis at www.KimBDavis.com, www.facebook.com/batchelordavis and www.twitter.com/batchelordavis
Kimberly is the lifestyle editor for Community Highlights and the Michael Van Tull show on Detroit Praise Radio on the first and second Sunday mornings at 7:30 a.m.
And she is a writer for the online magazine Date Night Magazine https://issuu.com/mcmediaco/docs/dn_premiere_issue_2019
