(1619-2020) I'm Tired
For the last few weeks, it’s been wall to wall coverage of Ahmaud Arberry’s murder on film, COVID – 19, the nation under quarantine, the senseless murder of Breonna Taylor due to a no-knock warrant, and the excruciating video of George Floyd’s death by a white police officer. I’m tired it is exhausting trying to make sense of everything that is happening and at the same time protecting my mental well being. Besides, I have two sons, a husband that I constantly worry about. Never mind the fact that my non-black friends have discussed their feelings and concerns and again it’s exhausting trying to explain why things are the way they are.
Deep into the quarantine, I was struggling with remote learning for my kids and the devastating numbers of Covid-19’s impact on the Black community and then I saw the video of Ahmaud Arberry being hunted down like a dog and shot and killed by two racists while another cowardly racist filmed the whole encounter. Rage, anger, frustration, and fear filled me. Fear not for me, but my children. I was worried an experience in Grosse Pointe would become more common. My friend lives in Grosse Pointe and when the weather permits we go to the marina and hang out by the pool. A couple of years ago, we visited the marina and changed clothes in the locker room. There’s a sign that instructs all visitors to shower before you enter the pool. My husband described the incident where my husband said he had our oldest son take a shower before he and the boys joined us in the pool. Keep in mind we all had taken a shower before we left home. Afterward, another boy attempted to take a shower, however, he was interrupted by his father who proceeded to spray the shower down as if my son had a disease. His disease was being black. Unfortunately, this is the norm for many African-Americans when we enter majority-white spaces. Normally, I would have said I’m not going to worry about a dumb racist, although current events have made me more concerned. I have boys and I worry about what happens if I allow them to go into a locker room or bathroom by themselves. Will someone harm them or try and intimidate them because they are black? The answer is quite frankly, I don’t know.
A few weeks later, Breonna Taylor was murdered in her own home because of a no-knock warrant. Again rage, anger, and frustration filled me. My grandmother before she died was served a no-knock warrant on her residence by Detroit Police. Was she a drug dealer? No, it was the wrong address! She had lived in her house for over fifty years and what was once a working-class neighborhood had been devastated by drugs and crime. My grandmother’s well-manicured house stood out against the other two houses on her side of the block. Across the street was wide open vacant land. Like clockwork, my elderly grandmother was watching her stories (soap operas) when she heard something. She got up and walked to her dining room which sat outside of the door to the foyer, which led to the front door. As she entered the dining room, police officers dressed in full armor and tactical gear with guns drawn burst into her house and forced her to sit down after they broke down her door with a battering ram.
At the time, my job required me to travel a lot and I wasn’t in town when the incident occurred. Upon my return, I called my grandmother to check-in to see how she was doing and she informed me of what happened. I hit the roof. I was pissed. How dare the police scare my grandmother like that especially since she had survived two strokes and a bout with cancer? She was a tax-paying, law-abiding citizen. To add insult to injury the house that should’ve been raided was next door and the entire family had complained for years about this eyesore. Moreover, they left her door damaged without repair. I called some friends in our local government to make inquiries as to how I would get justice for my grandmother. Afterward, I received a call from a Deputy Officer who apologized profusely, vowed to correct my grandmother’s wood door and her security door, and promised an investigation. At the end of the day my grandma’s doors were fixed and the report that was given to me said that the department would stand by the warrant because the informant had purchased drugs and said he lived at my grandmother’s house. So for all the great police work that is often seen this was bungled because this guy never lived at my grandmother’s and while resources, manpower, and hours were wasted searching my grandmother’s house and nothing was found, the perpetrators got to see Detroit’s finest at work. If you research warrants and raids you will learn what I learned is that too many times police arrive at the wrong house because a number is reversed or a street name is spelled wrong. Breonna deserves justice especially since the guy that they were looking for was already in custody and did not live at her address.
If you believe that I’m being harsh on law enforcement let me clarify something for you. I have a very close friend who is a former cop, a cousin who is a DPD officer, and my father worked at the Sheriff’s department, later he would graduate from law school and represent Walter Budzyn, a police officer in Detroit’s infamous Malice Green trial. I know all too well as I listened and watched my father during that case discuss the blue wall and police brutality. I’m tired.
My parents raised me like so many other African-American kids. We were instructed that we had to do well, work twice as hard as everyone else, get an education, remember whose child I am and I better not embarrass my family by doing something stupid or criminal. There was no tolerance for that. We traveled and I had all kinds of wonderful experiences that helped mold me into the person that I am today, yet it seems like it’s still not enough. I can tell you how I had to fight for my reputation at a national non-profit agency that made accusations against me along the lines of race and when my non-black friend was given a memo which instructed her to not be my friend because I was black. I’m tired and yes, that same non-black individual is still my friend to this day. My degree, the boards that I serve on, my morals, my Christianity and my ability to write books and tell stories does not protect me from my country’s racism.
The murder of George Floyd encapsulated all of my feelings, rage, anger, frustration, and sadness. Eight minutes and forty–six seconds of murder live on television, yet let’s not forget that ‘45 while campaigning to be president said he could kill a person live on television in the middle of New York City and no one would do anything. I hope the protests show him that he was wrong. If a black cop did that to a white man he would have been shot dead. Now it’s all about tearing down George Floyd and building a case that justifies murdering him in the street the way that the police did. My father always said to me everyone deserves to have their day in court and to be heard by their peers. George Floyd will never get that day in court.
America is changing and it’s sad to see how many racist people are all around this country. How many people are fine with what happened and are openly trying to justify it, yet, I feel sorry for them because one of their own, a white seventy-five-year-old man was brutally knocked down and now conspiracy theorists are spinning tales to absolve themselves of basic compassion for their fellow human. The writing is on the wall and it's in full view for everyone to see. The way that law enforcement polices us (meaning all Americans, not just Black people, but especially Black People) in this country has to change. I’m not sure what’s next, however, I do know that nationally and globally people have come together in a way that only God could bring them together. Yes, there are rioters and looters. There will always be opportunists, however, God is gathering his people together, “His winnowing fork is in His hand, and He will thoroughly clear His threshing floor, and He will gather His wheat into the barn, but He will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire.” Matthew 3:12
Destruction is coming for those who do wrong. We see it every time a racist is revealed. They lose their contracts or business. Proverbs 22:2 “The rich and the poor have a common bond, The Lord is the maker of them all.”
Proverbs 22:22-23 Do not rob the poor because he is poor, Or crush the afflicted at the gate; 23For the Lord will plead their case And take the life of those who rob them.
Let's come together, fight for what's right, and vote. Use your voice it's your greatest weapon.
